Welcome to my Inner World. I am a French self-taught artist, and these past seventeen years I have made Norway my home. Moving to the Lofoten islands was the greatest present I ever made to myself and the Arctic landscapes are indeed a true treat for any artist’s eyes. I live with my British soulmate,… Continue Reading
I know death is on the minds of many. It is the hardest thing to recover from the death of a loved one. It’s been nearly one year since my dog, Loki, died and there is not a day I don’t think of him and how much I miss him. Nearly one year of intense research on how to cope with the fact that he’s no longer a part of my life. Or is he really? The pain of the separation forces me to find other ways of meeting him. I’ve been very lucky to remember the dreams he’s in and there have been many of them. I am extremely thankful for that. But I needed to go further. I needed him to be constantly in my heart so I made him a little nest of love in the sacrosanct sanctuary of my heart. I know exactly how to get here – and here he is, looking at me with his beautiful amber eyes. Right here. No death, no sickness can reach us here. We cheated all of them.
I like to think there is a possibility we’re living our lives in reverse, which means we’re already “dead” – which is to say we’re not dead per se, what an awful finality, but we’re different, we are happy little phantoms. Can you imagine yourself as a happy little phantom? How do you feel? Your life is behind you but at the same time, you can visit it again at anytime, relive events, even change them (which in many cases would be highly advisable), but at the same time, you can’t tell your unknowing self about future events because you can’t be sure things will unfold the same way. Your revisiting of every moment has a huge impact on your existence. You brought with you insights you didn’t have the first time (and maybe all the other times too), you know how every little moment matters, how futile is fear of death and how irrelevant is what others think of you. You are totally free. Free from the fear of death, too. You’ve been there, saw the movie, bought the tee-shirt and you know better than to live in fear of vanishing. Although you can vanish, you’re a ghost after all. But you have the gift of travelling where it pleases you, to any realm. The ultimate freedom. So, with this reverse perspective on life, it becomes so much easier to live without any pressure, nor any feelings of alienation. The worst has already happened but you get to revisit your life so that the best can happen again, with more improvements each time.
I think it’s easy to entrap oneself in a disincarnate life, our happy phantom billions of light years away. We become zombies, living automatically, accordingly to what other people think is the proper way to be. This happy phantom is our little soul, sailing simultaneously over several seas because there is nothing it can’t tackle with the utmost grace. When the spirit is free from fear and limitations, it just beams with joy and anticipation… Can you feel its light?
I dreamed money… was falling from the sky, ha!ha!ha! It was night and I was standing on a balcony looking at a sort of wheel made of chiming bells which was revolving in the sky. From it came thousands of brown envelopes (with a transparent window) and one of them landed on my balcony. I just couldn’t believe it, there was money in it, perhaps 50 euros. Money doesn’t usually fall from the sky but if you bother going to the right place, at the right moment, the wheel of fortune will provide a little help. The card I was going to work on today is the Bell, by the way.
J’ai rêvé que l’argent… tombait du ciel, ha!ha!ha! Il faisait nuit et je me tenais sur un balcon, observant une sorte de grande roue formée de cloches retentissantes dans le ciel, tournant sur elle-même. De la roue, volèrent des milliers d’enveloppes brunes (avec une fenêtre transparente) et l’une d’entre elles atterrit sur mon balcon. J’arrivais à peine à y croire, elle contenait de l’argent, peut-être 50 euros. L’argent habituellement ne tombe pas du ciel mais si l’on daigne aller au bon endroit, au bon moment (si l’on se bouge le cul en sorte), la roue de la fortune procure un peu d’aide. La carte sur laquelle je comptais travailler aujourd’hui est la cloche, par ailleurs.
It’s been around -12 degrees Celsius for many days now. Cold means clear sky and it’s been so magical to see a glowing red sun peeping over the horizon these last days. We’re slowly evolving out of the Polar Night. I had to shorten the walks a bit because the temperature is probably too low for my little Pap. She doesn’t show any sign of freezing because we’re always on the move but we’d best be cautious. I’ve been working on my Oracle, already 9 cards finished! As much as I would like showing them, I have to refrain from doing so because this is confidential work. It might be published, you see. I’m having a cosy time. I like the round format of the cards, it’s interesting, composition wise. Also, the small format obliges me to strip the composition to the essentials. I have to keep the cards simple, too many details wouldn’t show on the printed version. It was a bit frustrating at first, but then I got the joy of finishing one painting in more or less 24 hours, which is absolutely new to me, since every painting takes a minimum of 3-4 weeks. That’s if I don’t do ceramics or felting in between. Sometimes, I feel it’s too long… But on the other hand, some things take time to be told. My paintings would be really, really different if I had spent only three days on them. Being patient is always rewarding. You can’t go very far in life without patience.That’s something many people don’t realise when they tell me I have talent. My talent is made exclusively of passion, nothing else. With practice come skills (and NOT the other way around!). But all this passion would lead to nothing if I didn’t have patience. And the only way of remaining patient is through pleasure. Because patience without fun is just… duty. You don’t want to paint dutifully. Although you could if you were masochistic enough, that would lead to a sort of frozen, lifeless perfection. People around you would admire your technique and wished they could paint like this – not for the fun (because there isn’t any), but to be admired. This emphasis on perfection saddens me. I believe many people renounce their right to express their creativity because they want to do it for the wrong reason in the first place: to impress others. Remember when you were a child and you drew and thought every drawing was good enough to be given as a present to the person of your choice? Unfortunately, not everyone can appreciate what goes into a creation, it’s not a crime, it just is. But this is not a good reason to ditch and feel contempt for something that didn’t seem to be good enough for others. It’s not that it was not good enough. It’s just that people aren’t receptive. You are receptive to what comes out of you, or if you’re not, then you should be. Be your best friend. Make yourself dream. Buy coloured papers, scissors and glue, doodle madly with colored pencils and JUST HAVE FUN!
What can be done with colored paper sheets and a pair of scissors:
I dreamed a girl came for dinner and during the meal, I found out she knew an old friend of mine who acted weird (from nice and very close she suddenly rejected me in a very crass way). I said to her “Ah! At last perhaps you could tell me what went wrong? I know she was not psychotic, but I would so very much like to understand”. She looked at me a while and then started to talk in long riddles, with sentences and images that didn’t make any sense. I actually had the feeling that only this fake friend could understand what it was about. So it seemed that the only option was to give up understanding. Then the girl took me out and we walked here and there. She showed me all sort of soils. There was an area where the soil was shaped in a multitude of ponds surrounded by long grass. A father was bathing there with his son and I really felt like entering the water. In another place, the soil had been dug around a huge tree in the shape of a circle along with a circular bench so people could sit around the tree. The girl said “let me show you something very special and rare”. She pointed at a vein of soil, it was darker than the other soils. She said “this one is very rich. It is compact, full of possibilities, highly concentrated in nutrients, all kind of things grow in it, but also very unusual things. But you can’t tame it into a garden, it’s totally wild, it goes where it pleases. Running across the world. Free”. I looked at the vein which was as dark as a chocolate truffle and the beautiful wild flowers growing on it, and said “oh… that’s my kind of soil!”. She looked at me with a little smile and said “yes”.